barn owls

Today we read a story about barn owls and I showed them a youtube video of one screeching. They LOST it. It was pretty scary. MSU (one of the boys classes) was awesome today!! Great answers in class, quiet when they needed to be. I was so thankful. It inspired me to stay late at work and be productive. I moved my desk to the front of the room and it's really cozy there. I'm just trying to re-cap my day, I guess. Today was pretty uneventful. S- started scratching his head in class and I guess his scalp was dry and all these flakes were getting everywhere and he got very upset either because people were laughing, I'm not really sure. Either way, he ended up getting teary and had to leave the room. It was an awkward that I felt unprepared to deal with. On the one hand, I wanted to sympathize with him, on the other he was being extremely disruptive and I couldn't tell if it was for show.

You need so much intuition as a teacher. Sometimes I think that being TFA causes me to lack some sort of common teacher sense. Maybe it will build up within me before it's all over.

On a non-teaching note...my dad bought me an electric nail gun and a skill saw, and I'm hoping to get some structures built soon so I can start painting again. Several experiences I've had recently (visiting SCAD, Kentuck, etc.) have made me realize that I have lost an absolutely essential part of myself along this teaching journey. I am not a teacher. I may teach now, and I certainly give it my all, but I am first and foremost an artist. That is a part of myself that I will never escape or outgrow. It has been so long since I have created something. Daniel told me to never stop making, and I have been still for too long. I can't continue to be without creating, without making. My life is so stressful, and I need something that is outside of children and reading levels and referrals. I need me back.

I'm back.

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. -Tennyson 

Some of my girls and I at the Memphis Zoo.

Sorry for the disappearance! At institute, they told us this story about a TFAer who was fired from their school and dismissed from TFA because of something they said in a blog (something that was not very serious) and I was spooked. I feel bad because I had pretty loyal reader base for a while. Teaching is great, TFA is great, my school is beyond great. I refuse to sugar coat things, and I thoroughly believe that I have the right to share my own opinions without fear of reproach. I understand there are ways to take it too far, but I also believe in the importance of sharing your story!

 And boy, do I have some stories!

First, the love letter that inspired my return to blogging!

" to ______ _________ the girl I want to be with forever
___________when I laugh I think of you and when I look into your eyes you take my breath away and when you smile you make me think of you as a beautiful young woman of my dreams and when I first laid eyes on you I thought you was cute and when I t
ook my first breath I though of you as a angel from heaven and earth and when you look at me I feel out and __________ I will always love care and alway be there when you need me

Love, _______

lol I'm going a little to far but this is from my heart and soul deep down in side."

I love taking up notes. I always got so angry at teachers for doing this, but now I realize that it is for their own entertainment! It is seriously something I consider to be a perk of teaching! Another teacher took up one a few months ago that said (this is just the good part, it was actually much longer)...

"Dear _______, I know I'm only twelve, but I think I love you even though you have big t******"

Yep. even though. We may need to go over what that particular phrase means, and show how it is different from "especially because."

I stole a glance at two of my Samford boys today to make sure they were paying attention during reading. I see K- looking at C-,  pulling up his sleeves, and flexing his bicep. I am perplexed, and I find this very funny. I stop reading Rikki Tikki Tavi by Mr. Kipling. Everyone notices, and try to figure out what is going on. K- , C- and I are all looking at each other, and I can't even take a grammy because we're all cracking up! I tell them they are ridiculous, make them track their stories, and we get on with it. I'm smiling as I read.

I announced the changes to our FOCUS classes today. We'll switch to a reading-centered FOCUS and the students will be divided by reading level. When M- finds out she's in my group, she slams her fists on the table and grunts loudly. She really dislikes me. I told her make sure her mom waits for my phone call. Consistency is the answer.

Finally, a cute story Geoffrey showed me...

"I used to teach art to various age groups. One day, in the 6-7 year old cartoon class, this kid made a big sigh. He then proceeded to take out a fake phone and answer it. This was the conversation:
"Hello?....sigh what happened now Robin!?....You spilled water on the bat computer again!!? Just leave it, I will take care of it when I get home ."
He then proceeds to hang up and immediately go back to drawing. Almost every other kid is just looking at him, stunned. Sheepishly, a young girl asks "Was...was that Robin from the Batcave?"
"Yeah, he messed up the bat computer again. It happens all the time."
All the kids started talking and saying he was Batman. They couldn't wait to tell their friends they knew Batman. The kid acted like it was nothing. I was trying not to laugh and ruin it because it was one of the cutest things I have ever seen."

 

 

White Folks at the Water Park

Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. 

-Elanor Roosevelt

My kids were a little talkative today, they were "ackin a fool." We had to turn off the lights and repeat one of our new mantras for a few minutes "I (the student) am not behaving for you (the student.) I am behaving for me." We had to say it several times before it sunk in. We just needed to re-group and get some mosquito-like focus together and go right along. They had to do their worksheet as homework because of it, but that's a choice that they made, not me.

I also had some really beautiful moments with my kids. Jamya puts her arm around me everytime she asks me a question. Darrius' face lit up when I told him he had the highest ELA grade in the class. Queen told me yesterday that when she goes to the water park, there sure are a lot of white folks there.

I also had an epiphany. Love. Those. Ok, so, TFA has a teaching strategy that they use across all grade levels that WORKS. I do, we do, you do (teacher models, students and teacher work together, students work independently with limited teacher support.) I have seen this work over and over again. I believe it is an effective way to teach all people, not just students. HOWEVER, oftentimes when TFA presents us, the corps members, with difficult new material (such as the transition from planning literacy plans to planning math), they don't use their tried and true method. Today they gave us some broad terminology and a brief look at what a math lesson plan looks like, told us to turn to page 83 in SHREK, and do it on our own. WOAH. First, they specifically told us not to do this the other day. We went through this whole negative example of Kristen teaching a lesson the WRONG way. When she asked us why it was wrong we said things like "You went straight from Introduction of New Material to Individual Work," or "You did no Guided Practice or Teacher Modeling." And then what do they do when they teach us how to lesson plan? No teacher modeling, no guided practice, no explicit directions. It was a shitshow for a lack of a better, more fun term. I was LOST. I'm relying on someone who has taught math for the first two weeks to teach me because I came out of that session clueless. When we learned the Behavior Management Cycle, we did the I do, we do, you do. It worked beautifully. I retained it. Perfect. WHY can't they practice what they preach? It would be so helpful. I couldn't understand whi it took me so many practice times to "get" all of this new material, and now I understand. Boom, thought of the day.

I just want to go to school tomorrow to be with my awesome kids. Their faces (I finally got some pictures and I WISH I could share them with you, you couldn't handle the cuteness) are why I keep going despite extreme sleep deprivation and general cluelessness. 

Have a fabulous night.

Just Plain Honesty

*Note: This is actually the post for Monday, but I fell asleep before it could load. The internet sucks here...and I was tired. Please remember that the goal of this blog is to show you an honest look at my institute experience. Remember that I have ups and downs. Monday night was a down, but I still agree with everything I typed last night. *

Teach for America makes me feel a lot of things. I love being with my kids. It makes no sense to me that I'm only with them about 3 hours out of my 20 hour days. I love meeting these new people and finding that I have so much in common with them.

But I. Am. Tired. I'm exhausted. I've had ridiculously long days for almost 4 weeks.

Right now, I just feel disrespected. I get up at 4:30am and work on stuff on the bus ride to school. Every break I have at school, I'm working. I grade papers on the bus ride home. From the moment I step off the bus till the moment I lay down to go to sleep at around 1am, I'm doing TFA stuff, except for dinner, where I'm talking about TFA stuff (mostly). I'm averaging about 3.5 hours of sleep every night. So is just about everyone else.

It's starting to piss me off that I'm doing all that is possible, and my health is suffering because of it. Also, I'm doing all this summer work for free, which is fine, but the problem is sometimes I feel like I'm not being treated like a human being with needs. I need at least 6 hours a night to be healthy not 2-3. I'm giving TFA my all, and I think Institute needs some restructuring so they can meet those needs.

Here is what really bothers me: I am part of a three person CO-LAB, whereas many people are part of a four person CO-LAB. The four person CO-LAB splits the Literacy work in half, whereas I have to do it all myself while the other two work on math. Who made the decision that it was ok to make one person handle the work of two people? It just doesn't sound right to me.

ELA folks also have to plan a 25 minute word study lesson AND a 30 minute Academic Intervention lesson in addition to their 80 minute daily lesson. WHEW!

Again, I realize this is a sour puss post, but I can't help it. I NEED some sleep, and I feel like there's really no way to get it at this point.

A nice weekend.

It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.

-Albert Einstein

Look at me, I've gone two days without blogging. Ugh! Friday I went out in Cleveland, Mississippi for the very first time. It was...interesting. We went to a place called On The Rocks. It was so hot in there. As in there was no air conditioning. Rough. Honestly, though, I just needed a few drinks. It was a long, hard week. I had kids wetting themselves left and right (4th grade!!!!!!) I had parents come to the school, I had crazy logistical crap to deal with, it was a mess. Tequila was my girl Friday night. 

Saturday I had had just about enough of this town, so I got in my car and drove to Memphis, Tennessee to see my man. As soon as I saw him I burst into tears. I had no idea how stressed I really was until I saw him and I just felt like I had a grasp on reality again. I cuddled with my kitty, we went to some of my favorite restaurants. It was a much needed night away. He even helped me with some school stuff! He bought me some new outfits, I raided the dollar section at Target for rewards for my kids. I'm so thankful I had that time away. I feel much more renewed. 

I couldn't believe how emotional I got when I saw him. We've been in an almost entirely long distance relationship for nearly three years and I have never been so thankful to see him, even if it was just for one day. I feel like I can make it through the week now. I'm really hoping to get some letters from some of you. I need all the motivation I can get! My address is in a previous post.

Alrighty, I'm off to bed. I hope tomorrow morning's bagel isn't moldy (true. story.)

Teacher Boot Camp

Belzoni (pronounced Bell-Zone-(long)a) in 1939. This is the town I'm teaching in for the summer.

Today was interesting. In the past two days I've had two entering 4th graders wet themselves in class. I tell them to go during breakfast and after lunch like the school tells me to, and then they wet themselves in class and I have to stop teaching and deal with it. I never realized how much learning I missed in school because of things other students did. These kids could have held it, if you ask me. I think they're just trying to stress out the new teacher. It's working. 

I'm already getting attached to these kids. Aukeviah hugged me when she was leaving today. I tested two of my girls and they're on a 7th -8th grade reading level (as entering 4th graders!) Christian is answering questions with confidence and being as sweet as ever. I had to move his clip today for talking out of turn. Broke. My. Heart.

These babies are amazing. They test me. I swear I will kiss someone who invents an erasable writing instrument that doesn't have lead that breaks or costs an arm and a leg (erasable pens). I seriously need about 90 erasable pens. If I have to stop teaching again because of a pencil issue, I may cry. We tried regular pencils, mechanical pencils, pens...it just doesn't work. I'm sure it can work, but its stressful for now.

We got to leave school early today and I didn't have any sessions so I came home and took a 3 hour nap. It was GLORIOUS! I was so thankful. I haven't felt that rested in a LONG time. Now if I could just see Geoffrey and Brooke and Meredith and Laura this weekend, I'd feel human again. Teacher boot camp is ROUGH! I feel like a productivity machine. 

I've blogged every single day of institute except one (the day I found out my mom was in the hospital, don't worry, she's out. That was a rough day.)  I'm actually really proud of myself. I know one day I'm going to want to look back on these posts. I wish I had more time to write about some of the deeper thoughts I've been grappling with, but boot camp doesn't work around your schedule. Ok, well I'm off to catch some Z's, I have to be up in 3 hours.

Ms. Jones, can I sharpen my pencil?

I'm slowly finding out that I have a knack for this teaching stuff. There are so many things about institute that are artificial, like the amount of sleep we get, the support we have, etc. Even though I know that will all be different when I go back to Memphis, I know that I'll do a great job because something inside of me loves teaching and is good at it.

I'm going to share a quick, beautiful moment form today.

Christian. He's the cutest little boy you've ever seen. So well-behaved. So eager to learn. He always has his hands raised, he always wants to participate. The thing is, Christian is reading on a kindergarten-first grade level. He can't understand the words on the worksheets I pass out. Even though he raises his hand, when I call on him he looks down and smiles shyly. Baby just can't read. Yet.

Today I split my class into groups to read Mister and Me and do fill in a graphic organizer. Christian was sitting beside Jeremy. I was casually walking among the students in case they needed my help when I stopped at Christian's desk. He looked up and saw me standing there and said "I always want to sit by Jeremy because he's so smart. He's helping me read these questions. The look on Jeremy's face was proud and humble at the same time. He said, I'm just showing him how to read the words. He then looked down at the worksheet and moved his fingers under the words while reading softly. I was so incredibly touched by this exchange between my babies. This is why I'm here. Jeremy is around grade level, but Christian is significantly below. Jeremy sensed that and took on responsibility for his friend. He was Christian's advocate today. I wanted to put on a parade for them! they get it!

I wish I could post pictures of my babies on here, but 1. I don't have any, and 2. I'm not sure if that's legal. I'll have some tomorrow, though.

If you enjoy the blog and want to help the cause, donate some educational reward-y things to my classroom. (BOOKS! Activity Books!, Pencils, etc.) Our theme is race cars. I'd also appreciate some regular ole letters. Hand write them. Bombard me with them. Here's my address:

Amber Jones/Corps Member
Teach for America, Delta State University
1003 W. Sunflower Rd.
Box B4
Cleveland, MS 38733