Identity Crisis

41% of students in the Mississippi Delta do not graduate from high school.

Today I started my literacy training. These lesson planning templates are intense. I'm honestly really intimidated and overwhelmed with the amount if information. I know that these rigorous lesson plans are what my students need, and I know they lead to transformational change in my students, but I'm having trouble navigating them. Better luck tomorrow, right?

One thing I'm feeling that I didn't expect I would feel is identity crisis. So, I've lived in Alabama my entire life. I love, love, love that state. I think it's beautiful and I have so much pride in my hometown and my university. The problem is that the Alabama Corps is joining us here at Delta Institute, and I'm no a longer a part of that group. I cheer with the Memphis group. I'm supposed to hate on Alabama a little (in a playful way, of course, but still.) This is the first time I've felt a conflict between where I used to live and where I live now. The first conflict between the old me and the new. It's strange water, but I'm getting acclimated. I still yell for Bama, even if I don't know the cheers.

Rain. Oh my goodness. It came a downpour last night as we walked to the Welcoming Session, and then again this morning. The school we were supposed to travel to had power outages, so we sat on the bus for 20 minutes then had to get off and run through the rain again to get to the "wireless cafe" which didn't actually have working wireless. We sat around there a while then made the long trek across campus in heavy rain and calf deep puddles to get to our alternate location. It was miserable. I didn't have an umbrella or rain jacket. Rough, girl. I don't even know why I got pretty this morning. I let it get to me and my motivation was down for the day, but I'm going to try to bounce back and have a more positive day tomorrow. The TFA thought pretty quick in a pinch and got the logistics sorted out in a timely manner, so snaps for that.

I got my official offer letter from The Soulsville Charter School. I called Geoffrey and told him all about it. Great moment, I'm so very fortunate. GO TORNADOES!! 

So most of you know I wasn't the biggest football fan in college or...ever, really. I am all Roll Tide now. I feel like it's the best way to represent the pride I have in Tuscaloosa. It's so different when you move away. Go UA Art or I Heart Kentuck don't bring people in or have the same effect as Roll Tide. It's become my mantra. It ties me to home. It gives me something to be excited about. It makes me a little eccentric considering how often I say it. Oh well, we all bleed crimson, right?

How am I relieving stress after these insanely long days that are PACKED with NOTHING but Teach for America related activities? Blogging helps, even though it's mostly about TFA. I feel like I can be honest here. I make the rules, I choose what we talk about. But what really calms me down is finding little moments to be alone. Whether it's slipping off to a quiet little known bathroom or taking a different route back to the dorm, just having a few minutes of peace, away from other people's voices, really helps me. Also, my car has always been my safe place. I ALWAYS feel safe in my car. It locks, it goes fast, if someone was attacking me, I could use it as a weapon, etc. Sitting in that seat with complete control over everything from speed to temperature to music calms me like nothing else. Sometimes in college I would just slip off and sit in my car for a minute. I can cry in there, laugh like a maniac, scream, whatever. It's MY space and I make the rules. I like knowing that I have the power to just drive away, even though I wouldn't bail on TFA like that. Just knowing I have the power is nice. Soothing. Sanctuary. I am in control of at least one thing.

I love it here. I'm learning so much and have some great people to work with. The negative experiences are few and far between, and pretty trivial at that. Wet shoes and hair I can learn to deal with. I'm about to change lives!

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” –Life’s Little Instruction Book